He must increase, I must decrease.
The horizon was alive. Green grasses danced in the evening breeze, the setting sun split the endless field and endless sky.
She was driving through the countryside, her car gliding across the cracked pavement and her mind absorbed by thoughts of yesterday. After weeks of frustration in the beauty of dusk she was remembering God.
Is it odd that the mysteries of life are only felt in the rarest of moments; only when doubts or beliefs of Him are there?
On this brief road trip, she suddenly became overwhelmed by the journeys in life. The journey of life. In one plane flight, she could be in Asia. In one moment, she could fall from happiness to despair. While she lived in the comforts of an average American home, she was plagued by the idea that there was below-average elsewhere. Or, in the same instance, she was dreaming of the above-average world beckoning her, challenging her. This dichotomy was absurd, but her reality.
Many would tell her that she could reach higher, and be able to pull up those who were lower. This mantra settled into her heart, gave her direction and an ambition. Yet in every step up she took so far, she wondered about its worth. She wondered about its meaning. And there was the every-constant shadow of failure, of selfishness. There was truth to everyone’s encouragement to live to serve others, to seek justice, to love. The problem was such noble commands were incomplete. They were an incomplete truth.
No matter what she sought, whether honest or successful in the eyes of the world, she was consciously aware that it was revolving around her. Her self. Her desires. Her ideas of right and wrong. Her pride. Her identity. And all of the imperfection that followed. While her desire to build solidarity, to live securely and give others security, was seen as good, she was made weary by the fact that it was only temporary. That there was no final aim for it all. We live day by day, wanting to live in the moment, and yet ignoring the fact that some day it all ends. We hope in the small things, and in our pride, do we deny our need to hope for more?
She carried many questions as she traveled down a humble highway. Her heart pondered these matters, and grew anxious as the answers surfaced, far from any revelations she had before known. As the sun faded and gave way to twilight, the woman knew to let go of herself was to receive Jesus Christ.
The God that she had encountered long ago was rising again as her hope. He knew every one of her longings and every one of her mistakes. He knew every one of her wrongs, and every minute of her distraction away from Him, her Creator. But He had died to give true life to every single person in existence, and had risen to overcome the dark holds of His creation.
He knew she desired to save the world, but He had already done it. And His selfless love would forever allow her to see His glory in the world He made.
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. 17 For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, 18 as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18