Christian Living, Devotional

Choice

Her fate was a step away, one of the thousand muddy steps splattered across her life. This moment stood near the end of an emotional trek. A journey of previously thought insignificance. She wonders, with a now uncertain heart, where is this all supposed to lead?

It was midnight, and the fresh morning rested comfortably. Across the milky blue sky were stars blinking as omens and witnesses of her trial. The empty beach and its breeze whispered secrets of the earth. The ocean sat unmoving, while her head throbbed in a torrent of confused and colliding waves. She paced back and forth within the rocky sand, and knew her destiny was dangerously dim. That is, unless she was to make a dramatic metamorphosis. A final turn away from all that she had done, said, and believed. That past life, of strife and shame, now haunts her. Inside of all her “wrongs”–which she foolishly had called rights–pain now took its place. It beats her conscience without mercy, burning her mind under this new, humbling revelation. No one was here to stop her, direct her or guide her. Her choices had led her to this miserable solitude and dead end. She was alone on this shore and it was alone, with God, that she had to make the retribution for the mistakes of her existence.

At a young age it was discovered her mind was quick. Her IQ was declared high and her defiance low.  An obedient, lively baby, and outgoing child, she was innocent like the rest. Her parents knew she would attend Harvard someday or Princeton maybe. Expectations skyrocketed, and as a result her mind slowly boiled with burden. She was never good enough; her brain stressed but never really used. Her mind said she could do whatever she wanted, society told her she couldn’t and shoved her in another direction. The older she became, the dumber her act. She didn’t want the attention or at least the kind everyone was giving. She only wanted to be like the others with no pressure, only games.

On her fourteenth birthday, an ominous switch clicked within her spirit. She was not satisfied with the cookie-cutter life and the senseless frills and plans it entailed. Her blessed intelligence was pushed away, hiding behind tangled hair and clouded eyes. Back then, she didn’t have any concept of a purpose. Back then, she didn’t need one. Recklessness was her life. Partying was her specialty. Lies were her friends. She relished in the disappointment of others–taking on the thrill of the infamous even while a sad strong ache pounded in the back of her heart.

She used to think goodness was the same as conformity. That in respect and loyalty there was a double edge of false hopes and superficiality. That people weren’t “happy and acceptable” until they fit the status quote or were declared “successful” with a college degree. After a damaging relationship with her parents, she didn’t want to define herself by that so called goodness. She didn’t realize until too late that being good is the natural effect of being who God meant you to be. Not what society says to be. That being good meant a lack of hurt, trouble and stupidity. Goodness, she believed now, was not a contract with oppression and expectation. No, goodness was just the opposite, leading to a freedom unseen yet beautiful. True goodness–God–hadn’t thrown her away. He still stood with open arms, and it was her choice whether to enter them.

The pier was up ahead. She glanced at the open sea, at the isolation of the moment. Nothing would match this second of time. It was time to change. Her old life may have been wasted, but it could be washed away. Through God’s Son she would walk into the light and finish the journey he has laid down for her.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” -Jeremiah 29:11

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