…I don’t know where to look. And it becomes hard to live without regrets or hopes. Everyday I attempt to be positive about life, but the world whispers directions that numb my mind, as if I’m swimming underwater.
Should I recall yesterday, and mull only over its troubles and triumphs? Definitely not. The other option is sending myself into the future- where either wishes brighten my ambition or fear darkens my worry. I find that leaning on tomorrow is a way of overestimating life, a process that wastes the present. Ultimately, life must be lived by Carpe Diem, or by relishing in the concept of now. After all, we never know if this is our last day, our last moment on Earth. I am not trying to be depressing, because I believe in the eternity of life Jesus promises me. My problem lies not in accepting the inevitability of death, but in finding the mysterious purpose waiting for me in life.
All this deep talk has been pounding in my heart over the last week, because of the stress overwhelming my existence. Responsibilities have been tugging at my brain all this month. I am busy like never before. There are my tedious and tiring courses. The new volleyball team, and add the fact it’s my last season. Clubs, clubs, with too many commitments! Brother moving across the country. People picking away at my confidence…
And on one side, the past shouts how hard I have worked and the flaws that I must overcome. Then the future sits even heavier on my conscience, due to the pressure of college applications and decisions. I am lost about where I want to go. I am not sure who I want to be. I know I want to see the world, help people and serve the Lord, while providing the best situation for my family. And with all this, I know deep inside I have what is takes. I only do not know what this strength is for.
Naturally I hold concern, doubts and weakening trust. Yet between all these weights on my back, I have the relief of God. He is the one planning where I need to go, and how I am going to get there. He prevents my uncertainty from breaking me, by being my optimism and omnipotent advisor. Pray, smile, laugh, He says. Live this life for me and I’ll walk you through every day, hand in hand, until I can let you go into my glory. When you sing, I will give you peace. When you are kind, I will give you love. When you trust me to be your everything, I will give you the everlasting life.
And truly, I am blessed. I don’t have to look anywhere.